Why am I so afraid of failing?
By No Rush · Updated October 27, 2026
The short answer
A lot of the fear comes from treating one try as a verdict on yourself. It only tells you how that one try went. People also expect a setback to hurt for much longer than it really does, as Daniel Gilbert's studies showed. So you skip it, and never learn whether the fear was right. Write your guess down first, then try something small.
Is it normal to have a fear of failure?
Yes. Most people feel it about something. It's often strongest with what matters to you, like an application, a talk with your parents about switching courses, or a song you wrote and haven't played for anyone. It gets in the way when you stop trying things at all, because then you never see how they would have gone.
Why do I expect it to hurt so much?
Because people are bad at guessing how long bad feelings last. In six studies, Daniel Gilbert and his colleagues asked people how they would feel after things like a job rejection. People expected the bad feeling to last much longer than it did. They forgot that they start to cope almost right away. Timothy Wilson found a second reason: when you picture a setback, you forget everything else that will still go on in your life.
How to stop being scared of failing?
Thinking it away rarely works. Testing the fear in something small works better. Before a step, write down what you expect, for example: they will think my question is stupid. Give it a score from 1 to 10 for how bad it will be. After the step, write down what happened and score it again. The studies above suggest the second number is often lower. Only your own notes can tell if that is true for you.
In the No Rush app
One step in the app asks you to guess beforehand how something will go, with a score from 1 to 10, and to score it again afterward. The app also asks how you would notice that your guess was wrong. If a step goes worse than you thought, the app says it was maybe too big for this week, and suggests a smaller one.
No Rush app
An iPhone app for people who feel stuck. It sets out one small next step at a time and tells you why that one. It is not therapy.
Sign up free Take the test For iPhone. Coming soon to the App Store. The first seven days are free in the app. After that, you choose whether to subscribe. Sign up now and the app stays free for you, for life.
Sources
- Gilbert, Pinel, Wilson, Blumberg & Wheatley (1998). Immune neglect: A source of durability bias in affective forecasting. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75(3), 617-638. doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.75.3.617
- Wilson, Wheatley, Meyers, Gilbert & Axsom (2000). Focalism: A source of durability bias in affective forecasting. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(5), 821-836. doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.78.5.821
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