Why do I feel behind in life?

By No Rush · Updated October 21, 2026

The short answer

You feel behind when you hold your life up against a timeline: the age by which you should have a job, a partner or a place of your own. That timeline mostly comes from the people around you. In 60 years of research, comparing yourself with people who seem further along usually made people feel worse about themselves. A first step is to write down what you want, apart from what others have.

Is it normal to feel like you are behind in life?

Yes. Comparing yourself with others is one of the most studied habits in psychology. Psychologist Leon Festinger described it in 1954: when there's no clear measure for how you're doing, you look at the people around you. So the question am I behind? almost always means behind compared with whom?

Where the timeline comes from

In the 1960s, sociologist Bernice Neugarten and her colleagues asked American adults at what age people should marry, finish school or settle into work. Most gave roughly the same ages. People also held themselves to those ages, and felt early or late against them.

That timeline is shared, so it feels like a fact. It is an agreement between people, and it differs between generations and countries.

Why do I always compare myself to others?

Comparing happens almost by itself, and it often goes upward. A review of more than 60 years of research found that, given a choice, people tend to compare themselves with someone who seems to be doing better. On average, that made them feel worse about themselves afterwards.

What social media adds

In two studies by Erin Vogel and colleagues, people who used Facebook more often had lower self-esteem, and that went together with seeing more people who seemed better off. In a small experiment, people who looked at a profile of someone doing very well felt worse about themselves right afterwards.

What you see online is mostly the outside: the new job, the trip, the move. The months before it rarely show up.

How do I stop feeling like I'm behind in life?

Start by making the timeline your own. Write down one thing you want, and by when, without checking first what anyone else has. Then ask where the date came from. If it's an age you picked up from friends or family, you can move it. If it matters to you for a reason of your own, keep it.

If feeling behind turns into feeling worthless or hopeless for weeks, talk to your doctor or someone you trust. The helplines are at the bottom of this page.

In the No Rush app

Under Where are you stuck, you can tap Everyone around me is moving forward, and I'm not. Then the app sets other people aside for a moment, and first looks at what's yours, apart from what you see in others.

No Rush app

An iPhone app for people who feel stuck. It sets out one small next step at a time and tells you why that one. It is not therapy.

Sign up free Take the test For iPhone. Coming soon to the App Store. The first seven days are free in the app. After that, you choose whether to subscribe. Sign up now and the app stays free for you, for life.

Sources

Festinger (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117-140. doi.org/10.1177/001872675400700202
Gerber, Wheeler & Suls (2018). A social comparison theory meta-analysis 60+ years on. Psychological Bulletin, 144(2), 177-197. doi.org/10.1037/bul0000127
Neugarten, Moore & Lowe (1965). Age norms, age constraints, and adult socialization. American Journal of Sociology, 70(6), 710-717. doi.org/10.1086/223965
Vogel, Rose, Roberts & Eckles (2014). Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 206-222. doi.org/10.1037/ppm0000047