Why do I give up so easily?
By No Rush · Updated November 4, 2026
The short answer
One missed day can start to feel like proof that it isn't working, and then you stop. Phillippa Lally and colleagues followed people building a daily habit, and missing a single day barely slowed them down. After a miss, set the next try for a fixed moment, and make it small enough for a bad day.
What does it mean when you give up easily?
Usually that you stop soon after the first setback. You plan to run three times a week, skip Wednesday, and by Friday the whole plan is gone. Often the plan asked more than you had that week. Looking closely at that one moment, the Wednesday, tells you more than wondering what's wrong with you.
Why do I give up when things get hard?
One break can feel heavier than all the days before it. Jackie Silverman and Alixandra Barasch did seven studies in which people saw a log of what they had done. People who saw that their streak was broken did the activity less often afterwards. That was true even when they had done just as much as people whose streak was still going. The drop was biggest when people blamed themselves for the break.
Does being hard on myself help me keep going?
Probably not. Juliana Breines and Serena Chen let students fail a difficult test. Some were then asked to be kind to themselves about it. Those students spent more time studying for a second test than students who were told how smart they were, or who got no message at all. Being kind to yourself made trying again easier.
How to stop giving up easily?
Decide in advance what you'll do after a miss. Phillippa Lally and colleagues followed people building a new daily habit. Missing one day didn't really slow the habit down. So a missed day is one day. When it happens, plan the next try right away, for a set moment, and make it so small that it also works on a bad day.
In the No Rush app
When a step didn't work out, the app asks what got in the way. Then it offers to set up a smaller version, which you can change first, small enough for a bad day. Sometimes it asks what you'd say to a friend whose step didn't work.
No Rush app
An iPhone app for people who feel stuck. It sets out one small next step at a time and tells you why that one. It is not therapy.
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Sources
- Silverman & Barasch (2023). On or off track: How (broken) streaks affect consumer decisions. Journal of Consumer Research, 49(6), 1095-1117. doi.org/10.1093/jcr/ucac029
- Breines & Chen (2012). Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38(9), 1133-1143. doi.org/10.1177/0146167212445599
- Lally, van Jaarsveld, Potts & Wardle (2010). How are habits formed: modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998-1009. doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674
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