Worrying about the future and fear of failure
Each question has its short answer below. The full answer, with sources, is on the question's own page.
How do I stop overthinking my future?
Give your worries their own time of day. Pick half an hour at the same time and place, like 7 pm at the kitchen table. When a worry about the future comes up earlier, write it down in a few words and save it for then. In small studies, people who did this for two to four weeks said they worried less.
Why do I self-sabotage?
Often to protect yourself from a verdict. Researchers call it self-handicapping. You create an obstacle beforehand, like starting too late or not preparing, so a bad result says something about the obstacle and less about you. That works in the moment. Across 36 studies with 25,550 students, those who did it more had lower results.
How do I stop being a perfectionist?
Set the finish line before you start. Perfectionism has two sides in the research: high standards, and fear of mistakes and judgement. The fear is the part that goes with putting things off. Choose one small thing, like a message or a page, and decide what good enough means before you begin.
How do I stop being so hard on myself?
Treat yourself after a slip the way you'd treat a friend, and then change one small thing. In a study by Juliana Breines and Serena Chen, students who were kind to themselves after failing a hard test spent more time studying for the next one. The kind response led to more effort.
Read the full answer: How do I stop being so hard on myself?
Why am I afraid of success?
Mostly it's about what comes after success. People say things like: if this works out, it'll be expected of me from then on. Or: I don't know who I'd be if it actually worked. In the 1970s researchers tried to pin fear of success down as a trait, and later studies didn't back that up. A first question to ask yourself: suppose it works out. Who notices first, and what do they say?
Which breathing exercise should I try?
Try two breaths in through your nose and one slow breath out through your mouth, five times. It's one of three breathing exercises that 108 people tried for a month, next to sitting quietly. No exercise came out as the best, and it was a small study, so it can't tell you what will work for you.
Read the full answer: Which breathing exercise should I try?
Why am I so afraid of failing?
A lot of the fear comes from treating one try as a verdict on yourself. It only tells you how that one try went. People also expect a setback to hurt for much longer than it really does, as Daniel Gilbert's studies showed. So you skip it, and never learn whether the fear was right. Write your guess down first, then try something small.
Why can't I make decisions?
Usually because something is in the way. You don't know enough yet, what you want pulls two ways, or you're scared of getting it wrong for good. Searching for the perfect option tends to make that worse. It helps to choose for a month instead of forever, and to keep a second option ready.
No Rush app
An iPhone app for people who feel stuck. It sets out one small next step at a time and tells you why that one. It is not therapy.
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